My journey to heaven

The worst feeling in the world is the feeling of being unwanted and unloved.For some reason i always felt i was not enough.I tried to hurt my body in several ways in order to compensate the pain that i had in my heart.

I also tried to harden my emotions,stiffen my voices,shorten my smile and make myself forlorn.I slept for hours and hours ;not because i was lazy but just to escape this life,escape the ugliest feelings that i had in my head.Every night when i lay on my bed,surrounded by net,covered by a huge blanket,just peeping my nose for air,i could not still resist my insecurities.The dark walls in front of me,they frightened me every night.I listened to the most painful songs as if i was addicted to that pain.I spelled my emotions in the social media where i was always judged and never really understood.I gave myself to the people who i thought were mine and they gave me an emptiness with my anxiety intensified and my soul suffered a great loss. I still did not give up to close my eyes and suffocated to fall asleep,suffocated to breathe.It pains me to say that i woke up with an ache in my throat,an everlasting torture in my mind like an incurable disease.